Occupy Wall Street Sweep!!!

Of Course they were trying to stop them before Thursday. If they would've just shut the F up about their plans for shutting down wall street the authorities wouldn't have been in such a scurry to get them out. SMH!!!

LET GO!

"If you are Confident...You are Beautiful...Then you can Love....And be Loved!"

It was a subtitle to an old post I had written months ago when I was going through a self reflective period but follow it more so nowadays.

The Summer has come and gone and I haven't written in a while, so I'm dusting off the old keys. Time with friends and family filled my days, baseball games, traveling, working hard, babies births, parties and enjoying life seemed to make the days intertwine and make the summer months fly. Slowly but surely I started to find myself again; trying to let go of negativity and pain that was keeping me in a bubble of hate. Last month a special person in my life passed away suddenly. A shock to my entire family and myself, I started to realize how precious and short this life can be. Instead of asking the questions Why my family? Why my uncle? Why GOD?,,, I started asking my self What do you do with your days?, Do you make them worth it?, Do you dwell on the little things?, Do you love unconditionally?, Do you laugh?, Do you treat people the way you want to be treated?, Do you Live?...Out of grief can come a sense of clarity. What are the negatives that you are holding on to in life? And are they worth it?

As I reflected on my life I truly realized that what I was holding on to in my past wasn't making me better for the future I wanted, or even making me better for tomorrow. When I decided to start letting the pain, anger, and hurt go, and really started to FORGIVE, and ask to be FORGIVEN it was like a 50 pound weight started to lift in an instant. I thought I could be mad forever and be happy doing other things. But what I've realized is that when you hold on to negativity in your body, heart, and soul it truly doesn't let you be open to much positivity. When you Let Go of it all, things happen that you never thought would. Light comes into your life when you let go of the darkness, pain, and hurt. You can become better and you can really shock yourself. You grow forward, live happier, and a sense of peace transcends it all.

-Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong!!!

Feeling

Feeling the hurt
Being in it to get over it
16 years for one journey of hurt & forgiveness
16 months for the other
"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles getting me to a raw place
About "addiction"
To me about not being able to rise above because of the hurt and pain
And it's keeping me down
Going back to that little girl who's daddy left
Going back to that 29 year old woman who's friend destroyed her for a lil while
"Set me free, leave me be,"
"Here I stand, So tall like I'm supposed to be,"
"Loved me cuz I'm fragile, When I thought I was strong"
"Set me free, Leave me be"
"You're neither friend nor foe, But one thing I know is that you're keeping me Down"
Gonna RISE above. Go through this pain and GET OVER IT!

Nina's Story...(Gay Marriage..a lil too late for her)

As I headed into the City on Sunday June 26, 2011 for my first Gay Pride Parade it was just an overwhelming feeling of peace after a couple of days of not having that. I wasn't going into what can be sometimes the pretentious city,,,on this day it was filled with the colors of the rainbow and love that just put a smile on my face. Seeing everyone come out of all shapes and sizes, colors, men, women, kids, parents, straight couples, old people, made me feel like this is really one parade that brings a wider variety of people out together than I've ever seen in my 30 years. As the blockades kept us from the destination of choice we came into Riviera Restaurant.

Enter Nina. A 40 something woman who asks me to help her fix her phone. So I did,,,cuz I'm nice like that. =) lol She ends up pulling up the stool next to me and ordering herself a cosmo. As the news plays on the television above, the update on gay marriage comes on and she cheers followed by her story about her 20 year relationship that just ended 2 years ago. She said this woman was the love of her life. Had always wanted to marry her. I said what happened? She proceeds to state that because they couldn't get married the relationship came to an end. Now 2 years later when all Nina wanted to do was marry the woman of her dreams, and can now, can't because she is no longer around.

It got me to thinking...don't shut down from loving. To give up. Don't put an icebox where you heart use to be. Live, Love, Dream. Don't just watch the ocean, jump in. Don't just watch the rain,,run in it. Don't just watch people be in love, love yourself, love someone, love life.

Woohoo for the Rerelease...helps you remember your childhood

College Student in 2010

Who would have thunk it. Everyone wished it for me. It just took me 8 years to get here. Now I'm here. A Queens College Student/Bartender/Divorcee. Well better late than never I always say. It's the journey I believe and will always believe that makes this life worth living. Oh the lessons I've learned so far will only help me for the ones I'm gonna learn in the upcoming days, months, years; till graduation 2012. Already the readings are intense. Pages and pages and pages. And that's just two classes so far. Waiting for the other 2 books to come in. Interesting needless to say so far. I'm glad I came back now. I'm able to at 29 to really appreciate college. There isn't as much anxiety to fit in, and the need to have a posse, I can enjoy the campus and the people who are there doing the same thing I am. Learning.

Looking Within...Introspective on Dating & Relationships

When someone tells you exactly who they are in the beginning of a potential romantic relationship we never believe them because we think we can change them. For some things, putting the toilet seat down, getting your hair out of the sink, paying for dinner once in a while, going to see chick flicks, those change temporarily when you are in a relationship with someone. Because those are habits you can do without if you want to be with the other person. But when two people have such differing views on boundaries in a relationship, what is an acceptable job for them to have to be considered a future mate, their mannerisms in public, how they get along with your friends; it can create so many problems if not resolved or a compromise isn't made. We accept things in friendships because we aren't intimate with the other person and we can truly let them be themselves. Flaws and all. But there is a funny thing that happens when two people come together. They start conforming to the other. The individual gets lost and they become one. Hence marriage. Now I'm not knocking marriage but when you get to that level of compromise, it is expected for certain things to happen and for people to act a certain way. It is a partnership they both chose to be in, through thick and through thin, "Till death do they part". But when you are "dating" someone, the laws aren't binding. Respect should be the first thing on the list. As you get deeper into it, loyalty and trust follow. It should never be hard to date someone. If it doesn't work you move on. Plain and simple right.

Having your mind get overthrown by your heart is a hard pill to swallow. When you consciously put yourself through abuse and manipulation day after day week after week, it wears on your soul. Self doubt starts to kick in like who am I. I use to be strong, I use to know who I was, I use to have the upper hand. And you keep letting the doubt seep in to where you are holding each other in the quiet moments, soft whispers of I Love You, gentle caresses, it warms the heart and you feel safe. Not two days later that warmth in your heart of love turns into rage and anger all at once. What an odd feeling to love someone and feel scared by them at the same time. To want them to go away and never want them to leave. I don't know how I let this happen to me. Feeling so lost in love. I know i'll get back to where I remember what it looks like...but for now it's just a whole lot of shit to throw out.