College Student in 2010

Who would have thunk it. Everyone wished it for me. It just took me 8 years to get here. Now I'm here. A Queens College Student/Bartender/Divorcee. Well better late than never I always say. It's the journey I believe and will always believe that makes this life worth living. Oh the lessons I've learned so far will only help me for the ones I'm gonna learn in the upcoming days, months, years; till graduation 2012. Already the readings are intense. Pages and pages and pages. And that's just two classes so far. Waiting for the other 2 books to come in. Interesting needless to say so far. I'm glad I came back now. I'm able to at 29 to really appreciate college. There isn't as much anxiety to fit in, and the need to have a posse, I can enjoy the campus and the people who are there doing the same thing I am. Learning.

Looking Within...Introspective on Dating & Relationships

When someone tells you exactly who they are in the beginning of a potential romantic relationship we never believe them because we think we can change them. For some things, putting the toilet seat down, getting your hair out of the sink, paying for dinner once in a while, going to see chick flicks, those change temporarily when you are in a relationship with someone. Because those are habits you can do without if you want to be with the other person. But when two people have such differing views on boundaries in a relationship, what is an acceptable job for them to have to be considered a future mate, their mannerisms in public, how they get along with your friends; it can create so many problems if not resolved or a compromise isn't made. We accept things in friendships because we aren't intimate with the other person and we can truly let them be themselves. Flaws and all. But there is a funny thing that happens when two people come together. They start conforming to the other. The individual gets lost and they become one. Hence marriage. Now I'm not knocking marriage but when you get to that level of compromise, it is expected for certain things to happen and for people to act a certain way. It is a partnership they both chose to be in, through thick and through thin, "Till death do they part". But when you are "dating" someone, the laws aren't binding. Respect should be the first thing on the list. As you get deeper into it, loyalty and trust follow. It should never be hard to date someone. If it doesn't work you move on. Plain and simple right.

Having your mind get overthrown by your heart is a hard pill to swallow. When you consciously put yourself through abuse and manipulation day after day week after week, it wears on your soul. Self doubt starts to kick in like who am I. I use to be strong, I use to know who I was, I use to have the upper hand. And you keep letting the doubt seep in to where you are holding each other in the quiet moments, soft whispers of I Love You, gentle caresses, it warms the heart and you feel safe. Not two days later that warmth in your heart of love turns into rage and anger all at once. What an odd feeling to love someone and feel scared by them at the same time. To want them to go away and never want them to leave. I don't know how I let this happen to me. Feeling so lost in love. I know i'll get back to where I remember what it looks like...but for now it's just a whole lot of shit to throw out.